Why you can’t be excellent
You don't need a better strategy. You need a different relationship with what it feels like to be excellent.
There was a version of me I used to watch from a distance.
She worked out consistently, not like she was punishing herself, but like her body was something she genuinely tended to. She had a business that was running, a social life that was full, a presence that felt put-together without looking strained. She showed up at 100%, or close enough that the difference didn’t register. I wanted to be her. I thought about her often, and every single time I tried to take a real step toward becoming her, I got inexplicably tired.
Not regular tired. Not “I need a nap” tired. I mean the kind of sudden, dense exhaustion that arrives exactly when you sit down to do the thing. The workout clothes would be on. The task would be open, and my body would essentially go offline. I’d feel heavy in a way that had no good explanation. I’d find myself lying down, scrolling, staring at nothing, somehow busy doing exactly nothing productive, and wondering what was wrong with me.
Nothing was wrong with me. My body was doing its job. The problem was what it thought the job was.
